I asked God the other day to make me strong, something I had stop asking for a long time ago, you know be careful what you ask for you might get it. Right. Anyho, As this day started my first call was from my Mother who was all but crying on the end of the phone line. She was in severe pain and wanted to go to ER. Needless to say I got dressed and headed that way. It had came a 3-4 in snow last night the roads were extremly slick. Turn the 4wheel drive on the hummer and headed out. After arriving she had decided that maybe she should wait a little while and see if the pain would ease. No damn way I told her the road were bad and I might not could make it back out later. Off we went. After several hours of xrays, trying to collect a urine speciman they finally gave her a pain shot sending her back home. Found out she was also severly consipated . Stopped at drug store to get RX's filled, picked up a bottle of mag citarte for her. Settled her in at home, fixed up a glass of mag Citrate, which she thought tasted like ginger ale. I nearly throw up any time I have taken it. Gave her a 1/2 of muscle relaxer, sit with her for a few more min and headed home. Joseph and Brianna at home ready to go eat off to Mexican rest. Home again to vaccum and mop these nasty floors. Around 2pm I became to slow down and more and more thoughts of Casey entered my head. I stopped long enough to Thank God for giving me the ablility to be so busy as not to have my own pity party.
Hard not to remember every detail of that day. I was up this morning at 330am, I do that alot. I awoke 12 years ago at 330am to a nurse in a very panic voice calling my son. I jumped straight up out of the recliner and with one look at Casey knew he was gone, I ran out the door of the room screaming that Joe Ledbetter he daddy had come after him, and would not wake me up cause Casey knew, I would have never let him go. Yea that was my insanity. It seemed to calm me down then kinda sounds a little dumb today. Casey ached to know he daddy, he had no memory of him . Joe died Feb 11th, I often wonder what in the hell was I thinking to do this surgery so close to Joe death date, but then I am not in control and God's plan is far greater than mine. I don't suffer as badly as I used to. It once was 365 days a year, now I have to take deep breaths to get thru Feb. God is always standing there with me today so I move forward. A piece of me is in the ground a piece of my soul my love, my child. I love you so much Casey Joe, as you and your daddy roam thru heaven I hope all your questions have been answered. Joe was the love of my life, Casey Joe was the man of my life. I send you both love and kisses this cold Feb. night.
No comments:
Post a Comment